Then, as they say, life got in the way and before I knew it, I grew up, finished school and went to college. Afterwards, I found myself at a crossroad. Young, brave, and eager to experience the “real world” out there, I followed my family to Germany (I soon learnt it may as well have been the moon!). There, I ended up in some day job and earned money – the way the “real world” dictates. I rarely picked up a paintbrush anymore. It just didn’t “fit” into my serious grown-up world. And besides, it had only ever been a fruitless hobby anyway, so what was the point, right? I didn’t leave myself much time to miss Africa, since I had convinced myself that I made the right decision emigrating - that life was better here than in my crime-ridden home country. I would just have to get used to it here and learn to deal with the homesickness and whatever other feelings of restlessness I had. So I soldiered on and kept myself busy. Eventually, I married my wonderful husband (also a South African) and in the years that followed, we became the proud parents of two beautiful children. I thought that finally I would have all I would ever need to feel “complete” again.
After our son was born, I lost my day job, which I didn’t really mind, because being a mother was my new full-time job anyway, and I was happy to stay at home for him and, later, our daughter. When both my children were old enough to go to Kindergarten, I suddenly found myself alone for a few hours in the mornings.
It was during that time that I started feeling more restless, bored, and really, really homesick! I needed an outlet, something to do. In an epiphanic moment, I put on some African music, dug out my old pastels and over the course of a few days painted a portrait of an African woman, carrying her child on her back. I remember looking at it for ages afterwards and thinking how much I MISSED this. And how much better I felt! And then I did another painting a few days later – another African portrait. Then another one…. I didn’t know what I was going to do with the paintings afterwards or where this was going, but I just couldn’t help myself. I dug out old photos, contacted friends in South Africa for some “holiday shots” from safaris, the Kruger National (wildlife) Park, or for just any photos capturing life in Africa. I poured over these references – some purely for inspiration and to reminisce. After completing a few portraits, I decided to try my hand at wildlife, for variety. At first, I worked primarily with pastels (because it is so much quicker to tidy up and store away before the kids returned home from Kindergarten). Then, as my confidence grew I braved the “big, white, scary canvas” to attempt an oil painting for the first time in years. It was exhilarating! Of course, oils take forever to dry, so I opted for the water-based variety. My children, in the meantime, were well-trained at keeping their inquisitive little fingers away from the easel and “mommy’s paintings”, while they dry ;-)
Three years have passed since that “epiphanic moment”, and I haven‘t stopped painting! The more I painted and the more encouragement I got from friends and family, the more I WANTED to continue. Now, it fills a void in my life that I cannot explain and I don’t want to give it up anymore. I hadn’t dared to think of having a life as an artist, but for the first time I wondered if this could be more than “just a hobby”. I found a small, local gallery in Germany that hung up my art and offered me a small platform to get myself „out there“. I was also invited to display some of my work at various businesses around our area. While the feedback has always been good, the sales have much catching up to do (although this might be more a question of location and target audience). Nevertheless, to me it was a big step to “expose myself”, artistically. And it is only the beginning.
I have recently started branching out to new themes that inspire me to paint. My children inspire me. The beautiful landscapes and season changes in Europe inspire me. People in history inspire me. While I don’t think I will ever stop painting “Africa” entirely, I must admit I get a particular rush from painting portraits. There’s something about painting a face that is so calming and gratifying to me: The beginning stages and outline of a face, a body, a look. Then comes the “ugly phase” where the whole painting looks a mess and I am almost tempted to throw the damn thing in the bin. But then there’s that redeeming moment where it actually starts to LOOK like someone again and I power through, slowly reaching the final stages of completion. 
At present, I live in England. (Yes, we moved again recently!). While I still don’t know where or how to best approach this new art venture, I feel like I am in a better location “artwise”. I hope to someday have my own studio, my own solo exhibition and one day make art my “day job”. While I may still be at the beginning of such a dream, I can say that with each “Africa” painting, the feeling of homesickness is becoming less and less and with every brush stroke, I feel my sense of self coming back…
Sabine Barber
www.sabinebarber.com
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